Kink 101 information—beginner’s guides and explanations of basic concepts—are extremely valuable when we are starting out on our journey. They’re often fun to read even when we know a lot about a topic.
We’re fortunate that in the past few decades a wealth of information has become available online. Google any term and, with some good judgement about what to click on, you can find clear and knowledgable writing (or audio, or video) on any topic.
That’s a blessing, but in a way also a curse.
It can often seem like that’s all we see. We get an introduction to Topic X, then a couple of weeks later another introduction, then another, then another. As a community, our media is fabulous at explaining the basics of kink in friendly terms to newcomers and outsiders, but not so fabulous at moving beyond that.
Kink 101 is everywhere but, in our experience, Kink 201 is a rarer and more interesting subject and that’s the space we set out to be in with Deviance & Desire. We do have some fun with beginner’s guides sometimes (we’re not snobs!), but we mostly leave that to the other sites that do it so well. We’re much more interested in stepping outside of the echo chamber and exploring things we haven’t seen explored before or looking at things from new perspectives.
That could be the way concepts overlap; or the interplay between kink and psychology, philosophy or anthropology; or our place in modern society; or anything else we think is interesting to muse over.
Often we’ve got more questions than answers, and occasionally even our questions aren’t fully formed and we’re just exploring nascent ideas. Sometimes we’re poking at established “truths” to see how well they hold up under examination.
It’s all a playground and we love exploring it.
We hope you’ll be critical of the writing on this site and every piece of writing that you read anywhere. Take what is useful to you and reject what is not. We’re playing with original ideas and, although we might state our viewpoints strongly at times, we do not believe in a “one true way”. Everything you read is an opinion, and if something you read here makes you want to throw a rock at your screen then actually that’s fantastic because it means we’re engaging together in some kind of exchange of ideas. Please leave comments if something resonates with you, or you think something sucks, or look us up on Fetlife and poke us in a private message.
In the early days of this site, we did quite a lot of exploration of the intersection between kink and mental health issues. I should give a big fat disclaimer. We are not mental health professionals. We started this site because we have dealt with some of the things discussed here in our own lives, but we do not claim to be experts.
BDSM/kink and mental health are highly personal and highly variable. What they mean to you, and how you experience them, will be entirely unique to you. If you’re struggling, and if the struggle is starting to feel critical, unhealthy or like it is invading other parts of your life, then we strongly encourage you to seek out a kink-aware professional to talk to. Other people can try to be supportive, but the only person who can really give you any good advice is someone who knows your personal story.
We know it’s easier to find kink-aware professionals in some cities than others but, at the very least, reach out to your community, either through munches and community groups in your city, or online on sites like Fetlife. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world dealing with something, but there’s a really good chance that you’re not.
Please feel free to leave comments or get in touch with us. If you’d like to get latest posts in your email box (no spam, we promise), we hope you’ll sign up for our feed here.
Interesting site, seems like a lot of content to be explored. Am just starting out on a journey on my own.
Thanks Just Curious. Hope you find something here that gels with your journey!
Excellent! Advice and suggestions in the articles are really dead on. Finally someone’s addressing mental health issues and bdsm.
I’ve been struggling with how to approach my bdsm interests in a healthy, non-traumatizing way. Have DID, have done a ton of therapy, and am functioning well. Also interested Daddy/daughter play and I am a incest survivor. Not in denial that D/d is playing with incest material. Turns me on and gets me off. I don’t have another 30 years to try to re-wire my sexuality, so I’m going with this. Any comments, advice, etc would be appreciated.
Thanks for devising this site. Much needed.
Hi A.
I am truly glad that any of the a titles help you in anyway.
boydenon
i also had to come to terms with this. i am a total dom, Master, i have a wonderful slave 24/7 for at least 12 = years now BuT i have this thing about guys, taking me, big, fat, long cocks. in my late teens early 20’s i was taken and forced four different times by guys, long and wild stories, i must say if one guy was a bit cooler who knows. after all these years, far and few between, but when this happens i go wild, i get overly hott’n’horny for guys with huge, long fat cocks to without me realizing it just somehow after meeting as strangers, seem to become friendly, we have drinks, you realize no matter what i will be yours and you and i end up in an apt where we have more drinks and…… where your coming on to me and i do not understand but you are being mellow (which must be) but take control slowly and bang….
Hi Slipmo,
I face some level of difficulties replying to this comment, but I guess it’s part of my job to reply to your comment. Since its commented at our site. There are a lot resources that you have access within these site, from mental illness to safety protocol, culture to philosophical discourses around BDSM, some fun articles that we archived from drummer magazines along with many guess authors who have contributed to the site. And I hope some of the articles may be handy and useful for you.
Sincerely,
boydenon
Hi thanks for a great site. Ive been searching online for support groups or retreats, or just guidance for men interested in spirituality and chastity, and found nothing! Do you know of anything like that near London? thanks x
Hi Sam
Thanks for reading! We’re not in the London area, but I suspect it’s an excellent place to find what you’re looking for. Lee Harrington’s
Sacred Kink workshops
are always worth keeping an eye on, though he might only be doing them in the US at the moment. He’s easy to search out on Facebook though, and he posts smart and interesting stuff that you might like in your feed.
Probably your best source of information is going to be the local UK groups in Fetlife, or perhaps you could ask around in one of the more general groups, like
BDSM and Spirituality
.
Hope it goes well for you and you find what you’re looking for!
OMG, I want the man who wrote this article to fist me!!! I have never had it done before but after reading what he wrote I totally want it. If your ever in the Shenandoah Valley area in va write me!! 🙂
Fantastic site !!! Lots of knowledge and experience. I`m from Poland. Lifstyle in our country is at a very poor level. Most of people think, that BDSM is only violance and opportunity to free, spicy sex. If You will let me, I would like to link this site on my facebook group and translate some of your articles to polish. Thanks in advance. Great job :-).
Great site! Should offer access for sensually submissive male to hire female coach
to provide insight in pleasing a dominant female
Hello, I found your site as I was doing some searching for different articles to read for anxiety as well a BDSM related things. Your site is quite amazing and I have very much enjoyed reading many of these posts you have as they can help all sexes.( I know this is mainly an all-male site) but still, thank you for the great information.