By Andrew Harwin Don’t dream it, be it. Dr Frank-n-furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show) When we give ourselves over to something or someone, and we do it with 100% of our attention and intention, the result of that surrender is a complete liberation. You don’t just think about what you’re feeling, you are right there…
Rubber Play – The Sight, Smell and Sensuality of Latex
By B.A. Several years ago, I wrote an article on hoods, and how wearing one can alter your persona, can move a man from person to slave. While it wasn’t terribly exhaustive by any means, I had hoped that you would get a feel of hoods in general. Today, I’ve been asked to expand my…
BDSM Culture and Gender Identity
How do gender identity and BDSM collide, and does one influence the other? Obviously, we know that all dominants are not male and all submissives are not female, but could our BDSM roles influence our gender identity, and could our gender roles influence our BDSM identity? It’s important before we start thinking about it to…
Watersports, and Why You Want a Bathtub in Your Next Home
by Fledermaus When I first heard the term “watersports”, naive little me it was a l-o-n-g time ago, I thought of swimming, diving, water polo, beach balls, and other stuff like that. It wasn’t many years later that I discovered that the water that the “WS” ads referred to was yellow and came from a…
Illustrated Guide – DIY Belt Handcuffs
We’ve reblogged this illustration from Boyfriend and ExBoyfriend BDSM Gallery. He’s got great taste in NSFW pics too. This is a regular series of illustrated guides. You can find the others here. We all know belts make great impact tools, but they also make great restraining devices. Our magical treasure chest of bondage equipment is…
20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants
BY _Min_ Based on a conversation I had today, I wanted to jot some things down that were told to me when I started in the lifestyle and helped me (I think) be a little bit less of the idiot I could have been. These are things that helped me, however, may not be applicable…
ADHD, Medication and Top/sub-spaces
When ADHD combines with BDSM it can be intensely fulfilling or intensely damaging. Overwhelmingly hot and positive, or overwhelmingly bad and negative. WHAT EXACTLY IS ADHD? In Focus, Forgetfulness and the ADHD sub i shared my personal story of attention deficit while trying to avoid the label. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s…
The “Not a Checklist” Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms
by Tornus I’m a big fan of the fantastic one page negotiation checklist created by @amothtotheflame. It’s succinct, well-organized, and does a great job of summarizing what you actually need to know during casual pick-up play. I’ve found, though, that this sheet doesn’t really meet my needs when I’m negotiating with a new partner, especially…
The “Tonight I Want…!” Negotiation Sheet
Using the “Tonight, I want…!” Negotiation Sheet is simple: Give one copy to each person in the scene and ask them to fill it out. Ask questions! When you say you want spanking, does that have to be limited to your butt, or can I smack your chest too? Discuss the terms, and maybe write…
The Difference Between Learning and Practicing
Some of this is going to seem very obvious to you, but I hope you’ll bear with me because I have a couple of opinionated insights that might surprise you. One of the things that separates Dominance/submission from more conventional relationships, I think, is that we’re on a continual learning curve. I’ve been involved in…