What we do in BDSM is linked to desire. We can call it servitude, or dominance, or sadism or masochism, or sceneing or sessions, or any of the other many words we use, but ultimately it never fails to come down to desire. We do it because it fulfils this deep need in us, and…
Category: Relationships
Top Drop and Easing Back the Throttle
Our terms for things can be a bit clumsy, and there are actually two ways you could use the term “Top Drop” or “Dom Drop”. There’s no right or wrong way, and both would work within their context. IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING AS TOP SPACE OR DOMSPACE? One way to talk about Top…
How Ritual in BDSM Brings Us Closer To Our Authentic Self
Every morning when I wake up, there is a breakfast tray on my balcony with food and coffee. In the evening when I go to bed, my boy/s are kneeling beside it. We often talk about rules, rituals and protocols, and I wanted to talk a little about why, of the three, I find rituals…
The Inner Selves of the Dominant and submissive in D/s Relationships
The magical thrill of the Dominant/submissive commitment is what most kinksters strive for. Not only because of the erotic ambiance that it provides, but there is something visceral about it. When we think of D/s, it can make our heart buzz and give us goosebumps. What really goes on between the stern standing Dominant and…
How To Use (And Not Use) Intermittent Reinforcement in Behaviour Modification
Go into any casino and you’ll see rows of people emptying their purse into slot machines, spurred on by random small wins. Or, if you’re not a gambler, think about the term “addicted to internet porn”. We scroll pages of images or click hundreds of videos, and most aren’t what we’re looking for, but every…
When the Dominant or Master has PTSD or Panic Attacks
This is part 3 of a 3 part article on PTSD and panic attacks. Part 1: 2 Ways to Deal with PTSD and Panic Attacks Part 2: When the submissive or slave has PTSD or Panic Attacks Dominant’s issues are very often swept under the carpet for various reasons. Firstly and generally, the BDSM community…
Taking BDSM to a Spiritual Level with Tantra
The first thing that comes to most people’s mind when they hear the word “tantra” is sex. The mysterious spiritually-connected image of Tantric Sex is as legendary as it is aspirational. If you have any spiritual practices, particularly Hatha Yoga and some lines of Buddhism, you might not be thinking of the sex, you might…
When the submissive or slave has PTSD or Panic Attacks
This is part 2 of a 2 part article on PTSD and panic attacks. Part 1: 2 Ways to Deal with PTSD and Panic Attacks Part 3: When the Dominant or Master has PTSD or Panic Attacks You might also like a previous article on this site, A Dom’s Guide to Panic Attacks and BDSM…
Can Role-Play Add to the Pleasure That Pain Brings?
What’s in your sadomasochist (S/m) repertoire? If you think of role-play as “I’m the stern headmaster and you’re the naughty student” then some people enjoy that kind of play and some people don’t find much in it. In this context we’re talking about role-play as making up fictional characters or putting ourselves as real characters…
Brats, SAMs and Break-mes
Brats are possibly something of a misunderstood species. They get a bad rap by many in the community who immediately associate the role with “petulant child”. But is that really what a brat is? We’d call a child a brat if they’re misbehaving, but most submissives who identify as brats see it as a role…