We spend a lot of time talking about pain and pleasure in the BDSM community. It’s a very individual thing, and we all have our own preferred levels, and our different responses to pain during a session. Athletes often have their own way of processing challenges to sustain themselves till the final line, and in…
Category: Relationships
The Three Types of Commitment
In BDSM relationships, we often speak of commitment. What we usually mean by that is that we will do things, in a sustained manner, to benefit the relationship. It is often a commitment to a person (or “people” if you’re poly), but it could also be to a larger collective entity, such as a household…
I Wanna Push Your Limits
Should I put my red flag away now? You will hear “I wanna push your limits” from some Dom at some stage, so I think it’s worthwhile talking about what that really means. LET’S TALK ABOUT CONSENT Consent flows both ways and both parties have to retain both responsibility and consent. A bottom can’t say…
Illustrated Guide – Types of Collars
We’ve reblogged this illustration from Boyfriend and ExBoyfriend BDSM Gallery, one of the great sites that Tumblr killed in its purge. This is the first in a series of illustrated guides. If you’d like to follow them, then later ones will be here. Collar: Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is…
Turning Pain Into Pleasure
Pain is a huge part of BDSM. We seem to talk about it all the time. But, language being the blunt instrument that it is, do we really understand each other when we say things like “hit me” or “i love pain”? For some people, pain directly equates to “abuse” or “self harm”, and there…
Tips For Behavior Modification, Conditioning and Development
B.F. Skinner, known as the “Father of Behaviorism” developed a theory of operant conditioning, which states that all behavior is governed by reinforcing and punishing stimuli. Behavior modification uses a scheduled approach that rewards desired behavior and punishes undesirable behavior. Many people get offended if you mention child psychology (or heaven forbid, dog training) in…
submissive versus slave in BDSM
In BDSM lingo, we often confuse different terminology due to a lack of resources. Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey and all the fantasy we’re exposed to (whether that’s fiction, porn or pickup sites), terms like slave and submissive (or Dominant and Master) can be thrown around interchangeably. But sometimes words are supposed to have…
Pleasure and Pain: An Ode to Spankings
by Madame Beatrice When I think of spankings, I think of two things: transference and release. A spanking isn’t simply the sum of swats on a submissive’s beautifully curved ass; it’s a transfer of energy from one mind’s body into the flesh of another mind and body. Each time contact is made between an open…
Negotiating a Chastity Contract
We’ve added a Chastity Contract to our free downloads in the sidebar, or you can download it here. It’s in Word format, so that you can edit it to your own unique needs. Many people use contracts to formalise parts (or all) of their power exchange. There’s something official and serious about putting a signature…
Zen and the Art of Leather Polishing
Chores – We’ve all got them, and yes, they can be repetitive and boring. But in Dominant/submissive or Master/slave relationships we can shift the focus to our power dynamic. A slave carries out daily chores for his Master. The action of doing laundry changes from a boring task to a submissive responsibility, and each time…