I like these pictures from Hal Fischer’s 1977 book Gay Semiotics – A Photographic Study of Visual Coding Amongst Homosexual Men, not just for how much things have changed, but also for how much they have stayed the same. Gaydar is an intriguing thing. Probably at some stage all gay men have wondered how it…
Category: Identities
Shy and Introverted Masters – A Field Guide to Recognizing and Loving Them
When people think of a leader, the image that comes to mind is, more often than not, a dominant, assertive extrovert. In the West, extroversion has long been a coveted trait, and in workplaces you’ll find them being promoted more rapidly and getting better performance reviews. That’s exasperated by media and a huge personal growth…
What’s the Difference Between Kink and Fetish?
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. A few decades ago, those into BDSM or leather/latex, or many of our other pleasures, would have been described as “fetishists”. Now we tend to go with “kinksters”. It’s an example of linguistic fashion, but in this case it’s also more accurate. Even though…
Dominant Energy and the Small Drops That Are Life
The word “tired” is one of those clumsy English words (like “love”) that means a lot less without context. Is it “tired” like “haven’t had enough sleep”, “tired” like “just ran a marathon” or “tired” like “I’ve spent the day with a piled up inbox and the boss on my back”? Synonyms are a lot…
How Real is a BDSM Lifestyle? As Real as You Want it to Be
by Joseph D. All sex is a power play. We like to deny it. We like to pretend that sex is birds and bunnies and bubbling brooks, that sex can’t be evil, nasty power dynamics, but that’s what makes it hot for people, whether they cop to it or not. Even the most vanilla sexual…
Buzzcuts and Head Shaving and Why It’s So Hot
by Peter B. Forced haircuts—the idea of an unwilling guy being tied or held down, pleading and then begging not to have his precious hair taken from him. Then the sudden click-thud as the clippers are switched on, and their hum morphing to a low buzzz as they move to his head… Buzzcuts, brush cuts,…
Power Play – Understand the Codes and Negotiations of Leather Love
by Bryan Van De Mark Consider this analogy: Let’s say you like roller coasters. There is a certain sense of thrill when you are locked into the seats and you crest that hill and go plummeting downward at speeds upwards of 60 mph. A friend suggests that maybe a bigger thrill is in order: bungee…
Zen and the Art of Dominance
In Zen Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Nyo Ze’. It doesn’t translate well to English from the original Japanese, but a close match would be ‘like this, suchness.’ One great 13th Century Zen master – Dogen – said that in order to become a person of suchness, you have to first realize that you…
6 Warning Signs He’s Not a Dom, He’s an Asshole
Narcissists, bullies and other toxic people can be charming and exciting to be around when you first meet them. After all, bad boys are often what get our juices flowing. No offence intended to other Doms out there, but with all honesty there’s a fine line between toxicity and dominance and we’re actually sharing a…
Illustrated Guide – Hanky Codes
Worn Out West has been a Castro Street (San Francisco) destination for leather and western clothing since 1980. They’ve moved to 2352 Market Street, but they’re still going strong. This is one of their hanky code fliers from back in the Castro days to help customers choose the right colours to fly from their pocket….