You want it, but it’s just not on your partner’s radar. It’s really not uncommon, and it’s a commonly recurring chat topic on forums like Fetlife: I got married two years ago, and while we’ve been together I’ve suppressed my urge to be submissive due to him being mostly vanilla. He says he wants to…
Category: Identities
Slave to the Rhythm
Life in my household has a certain rhythm to it. It’s partly circadian rhythms — the natural rise and fall of the day and the patterns associated with that — and it’s partly a negotiated rhythm that is kept in place by protocol. I think of that as ritualistic rhythm. It starts and ends my…
Pushing Boundaries Without Breaking Limits
I’ve taken a little snip from a thread on Fetlife that encapsulates a common viewpoint of Domination that I think contains both myth and jargon: … its important to realize that we also have to push boundaries to help a sub grow. Otherwise you stay in your little box and never get outside it. That…
Quiz – The Purity Test
We’ve been posting distracting quizzes for a while (see the links below), because even big ‘ol mean Doms have got to have some fun sometimes, but it occurred to me that we’ve never posted the Grand Daddy of all internet quizzes, The Purity Test. The Purity Test is a major timekiller, and very entertaining. The…
Clique Schisms
The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born Antonio Gramsci – Selections from the Prison Notebooks i’ve been clicking around recently looking for a sense of subcultural belonging. One of my favourite podcasts is nosafeword, and i stumbled across an episode called “Clique Schisms”. Sparky…
Fassinger’s Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink
This is a companion piece to our previous article The Cass Identity Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink In the same way that we looked at the Cass Sexual Identity Model, I’m going to attempt to re-situate Fassinger’s Model of Gay and Lesbian Identity Development in the context of BDSM subcultural identity formation. Fassinger’s Model…
The Cass Identity Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink
i grew up with the boom in technological advancement we call the Internet Era, so i am one of the so-called “lucky ones”. In my time, laptops and phones have become thin and the speed of the internet has grown fat, in something of an exponential graph. By the time i was 15 i had…
Quiz – What Kind of Submissive Are You?
We know our followers love personality tests and BDSM quizzes. It’s always fun to find out more about who we are. Of course, online tests and quizzes are not definitive of our personality, but they can be fun for self-discovery. Perhaps you’ll just be reassured, or perhaps you’ll discover something about yourself that you never…
Are You a Pervert? Challenging the Boundaries of Sex
By Gonzalo R. Quintana Zunino Are you a pervert? I believe you are. This statement might offend you. Perhaps you wonder what would compel me to say something like that about you, especially since we’ve never met. However, a voice deep down inside of you might wonder if I am right. Maybe that voice is…
Living Vicariously: Porn Provides a Tasting Plate for Our Unspoken Fetishes
by Lauren Rosewarne Pornography is hardly an under-theorised medium. For decades, radical feminists have decried its imagery as an instruction manual for rape. As women being objectified, humiliated, tortured. As men receiving positive reinforcement for perpetuating degradation. For decades liberals – be they of the academic, activist or artistic ilk – have raged against slippery…