How do gender identity and BDSM collide, and does one influence the other? Obviously, we know that all dominants are not male and all submissives are not female, but could our BDSM roles influence our gender identity, and could our gender roles influence our BDSM identity? It’s important before we start thinking about it to…
Category: Identities
20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants
BY _Min_ Based on a conversation I had today, I wanted to jot some things down that were told to me when I started in the lifestyle and helped me (I think) be a little bit less of the idiot I could have been. These are things that helped me, however, may not be applicable…
ADHD, Medication and Top/sub-spaces
When ADHD combines with BDSM it can be intensely fulfilling or intensely damaging. Overwhelmingly hot and positive, or overwhelmingly bad and negative. WHAT EXACTLY IS ADHD? In Focus, Forgetfulness and the ADHD sub i shared my personal story of attention deficit while trying to avoid the label. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s…
Submissive Worksheet – Needs and Wants (long)
by blessingb Note: My writing reflects my relationship – female submissive / male Dominant. I recognise there are other equally valid relationships in our world. As the title suggests, this is a long article detailing a process I hope you’ll find helpful. If you prefer to do it in your own time offline, you can…
Old School BDSM versus New School BDSM
Laura Antoniou (author of The Marketplace series of books), wrote in an article called “Leather traditions”, “houses” and other myths people try to sell you on: There are no “old leather traditions.” There are behaviors that individuals and small, isolated groups developed as customs (Bob has a new bike! Let’s all pee on it!) and…
Ask a Neuroscientist: Pain Physiology, Explained to a Bottom
by Hermes Solenzol Imagine that you are being spanked… Stop getting so excited! This is supposed to be a scientific explanation! As I was saying, imagine that you are being spanked, and you are feeling that familiar stinging, warm pain in your behind. In reality, you don’t feel the pain in your bottom. You feel…
The Dungeon Doorway Effect
If you’ve ever walked into a room to get your keys and forgotten what you’re looking for, or found yourself staring into the fridge wondering what it was you came to the kitchen for, then you’ve experienced the Doorway Effect. It’s not just you, it happens to all of us, and there’s a straightforward enough…
When Your Dom Can Sleep With Anyone He Pleases, But You Can’t
by Hermes Solenzol This practice seems to be quite common in the world of Dominance/submission (D/s). I have seen people who I respect a lot as Doms do it. And, given the enormous overlap between BDSM and polyamory / non-monogamy, it’s something that needs to be considered carefully from the ethical point of view. It…
Objects of Surveillance – Initiating a Virtual Leash
If You could have a real leather or metal leash locked on Your property in public, many of you would definitely do it. It is an ultimate symbol of ownership, control and power. A leash, hooked to the locked collar of your property, symbolises the ownership of that property. Perhaps on the way into the…
Coming Out as Kinky – Open or Closeted in Public?
It’s said that kinky gay guys have two coming outs. First there’s coming out as gay, then, for some of us, there’s coming out as non-vanilla. Of course, neither of those processes are compulsory, that’s our choice. I’m oversimplifying, of course. I’m a gay, leather-identifying sadistic Dom in a polyamorous relationship. Close friends who’ve known…