I think it’s common for Dominants/Masters who haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships to go into a new coupling issuing rules the way a parking inspector issues tickets. Way too many, way too quickly, and about all the wrong things. It’s understandable where this comes from. We quickly discover that Dominance/submission is a…
Category: Concepts
Illustrated Guide – Gay (and Leather) Semiotics
I like these pictures from Hal Fischer’s 1977 book Gay Semiotics – A Photographic Study of Visual Coding Amongst Homosexual Men, not just for how much things have changed, but also for how much they have stayed the same. Gaydar is an intriguing thing. Probably at some stage all gay men have wondered how it…
Shy and Introverted Masters – A Field Guide to Recognizing and Loving Them
When people think of a leader, the image that comes to mind is, more often than not, a dominant, assertive extrovert. In the West, extroversion has long been a coveted trait, and in workplaces you’ll find them being promoted more rapidly and getting better performance reviews. That’s exasperated by media and a huge personal growth…
What’s the Difference Between Kink and Fetish?
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. A few decades ago, those into BDSM or leather/latex, or many of our other pleasures, would have been described as “fetishists”. Now we tend to go with “kinksters”. It’s an example of linguistic fashion, but in this case it’s also more accurate. Even though…
What Makes a Reality Real?
What is reality made out of? We all know that water is made up of two hydrogen and one oxygen molecule, snapped perfectly together to form the shape of liquid under a certain gravitational force and atmospheric pressure. But what about our own reality? Is it so logical? Discussion about BDSM’s association with mental illness…
How Real is a BDSM Lifestyle? As Real as You Want it to Be
by Joseph D. All sex is a power play. We like to deny it. We like to pretend that sex is birds and bunnies and bubbling brooks, that sex can’t be evil, nasty power dynamics, but that’s what makes it hot for people, whether they cop to it or not. Even the most vanilla sexual…
A Peek Behind the Curtain: Polyamorous Relationships
Just a few days ago, I discover an insightful podcast discussing BDSM polyamorous relationships by No Safe Word — Ungagged Episode 13 – Flipbook Families i self identify as a kinkster, and if you’ve read other articles on this site you might have already gathered that i spend a lot of time thinking about human…
Power Play – Understand the Codes and Negotiations of Leather Love
by Bryan Van De Mark Consider this analogy: Let’s say you like roller coasters. There is a certain sense of thrill when you are locked into the seats and you crest that hill and go plummeting downward at speeds upwards of 60 mph. A friend suggests that maybe a bigger thrill is in order: bungee…
Zen and the Art of Dominance
In Zen Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Nyo Ze’. It doesn’t translate well to English from the original Japanese, but a close match would be ‘like this, suchness.’ One great 13th Century Zen master – Dogen – said that in order to become a person of suchness, you have to first realize that you…
Illustrated Guide – Hanky Codes
Worn Out West has been a Castro Street (San Francisco) destination for leather and western clothing since 1980. They’ve moved to 2352 Market Street, but they’re still going strong. This is one of their hanky code fliers from back in the Castro days to help customers choose the right colours to fly from their pocket….