There is a certain camp of people who will tell you that Dominance is an all-natural product (like organic milk), but I don’t believe that’s true. There might be certain underlying personality traits that make it easier or harder, but I think Dominance (as a role in D/s) is largely learned. There are some great…
Category: Concepts
Hurt Me Plenty – A Gameplay Review
If you are someone who practices SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual), do you sometimes have a hard time explaining what consent means to you? Here’s a game that not only drills that, but is fun to play too. Robert Yang, both an Artist and indie game designer has created a VR game in simulation of…
Can’t versus Won’t in Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
The topic of Consensual Non-Consent never fails to get people banging heads with each other. Firstly, you have the “relationship” camp and the “session” camp firing arrows at each other. The term “CNC” is used by some to mean an interaction where the agreed boundaries are not negotiated, or are negotiated to be left entirely…
One Person’s Perversion is Another’s Normality
What is perversion? Whether we’re talking about sexual perversion or behavioural perversion, the question doesn’t lead to a rigid medical definition. What does “perversion” actually mean? Like many terms that we use in our daily lives, it poses a great entry for some interesting philosophical, psychoanalytical creative thinking. “You are such a pervert!” If spoken…
Quiz – Discover your Personal Erotic Myth
A Personal Erotic Myth (PEM) contains the fantasy imagery, story-lines, dialogue, props, settings attire, personas and actions, that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often expressed in fetish, kink and D/s-BDSM oriented sex. Some people are quite aware of their PEM. Some may have multiple PEM’s…
Is it Topping from the Bottom?
No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…
When the Fantasy Gets Real
Fantasy feels good. It’s malleable, predictable, controllable and mouldable. It’s shaped perfectly to fit into all our crevices and to stroke all our sensitive spots. Reality, on the other hand, is often uncomfortable, unpredictable and uncontrollable. WHERE IS THAT GREY LINE BETWEEN FANTASY AND REALITY IN BDSM? It’s probably worth asking, before going any further,…
Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom
The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…
Quiz – Check Your Narcissistic Personality Inventory
Narcissism in personality trait is generally conceived of as excessive self love. In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a man who fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water. The NPI was developed by Raskin and Hall (1979) for the measurement of narcissism as a personality trait in social psychological research. It is…
Is It True That Power Corrupts?
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lord John Dalberg-Acton A question those of us in D/s relationships would be right to ask ourselves more often than others is: Does power corrupt? “Power corrupts” is a common enough saying, and usually it is pointing to behaviour that violates norms or values. In politics…