by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing EXPECTATIONS OF SEX BDSM is not always about sex. BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or Polyamory — although it’s possible for…
Category: Concepts
Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: More Specific Guidelines (2/6)
by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing SOCIALIZING & NETWORKING Socializing takes place at munches, general meetings, runs, and parties. Munches are semi-public gatherings of BDSM enthusiasts for the purpose…
Illustrated Guide – Hanky Codes (2)
This gorgeous poster of the Gay Leatherman’s Hanky Codes was months of research and work by Ben Bear, and he has released it as a free high-res download in two formats (a 2′ x 3′ poster or as 5 tabloid sized panels) on his Ace of Spades PDX website. This month’s poster coincides with Oregon…
Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: General Principles (1/6)
by Ambrosio This is the first part of a 6 part series originally published as Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol on Ambrosio’s BDSM Site. See the end of this article for more details. Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging,…
Impact Play that Unleashes the Dragon Within
Some of us have achieved peace with ourselves and our life. And, some of us still have esteem issues or other internal conflicts that bother us on a daily basis. Everyday, we push down whatever doubts and uncertainty we are dealing with, so that we can still function normally. Impact play can be cathartic, not…
YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink is Not My Kink, But Your Kink is OK
YKINMKBYKIOK is such a mouthful of an initialism that it’s commonly shortened to YKIOK (or sometimes YKINMK). It represents “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK”. It isn’t a foreign concept outside of kink circles. You’ll have heard it as “horses for courses”, “whatever floats your boat”, “different strokes for different…
Abducted Scholar Zhang Ying Ying’s Case Brings Out Fetlife and BDSM Shaming in Media
Recently, Fetlife has come under the mainstream media spotlight due to an abduction case involving a missing graduate student from University of Illinois. The missing individual, Zhang Ying Ying, was a member of the Fetlife discussion group “Abduction 101”, and multiple surveillance footages have captured the evidence of Zhang being kidnapped by PhD Scholar Brendt…
Not Top nor Bottom? Non-binary Sexuality is More Than Just Switching
On dating apps and websites it starts when you fill out your profile. Other times it’s the first point to nail in negotiation. And, for some of us it can be quite hard to answer. “Are you top or bottom?” One complicating (or complicated!) thing for me is that I come from a Southeast Asian…
Are Kinks Getting More Extreme?
Some people who’ve been in the BDSM scene a long time observe an escalation in the extremity of the things we do. It can certainly look that way in online communities. Safe, Sane and Consensual has given way to Risk Aware Consensual Kink, and there has certainly been a rise in popularity of identifiers like…
Looking Deeper into Why BDSM May Benefit Our Mental Health
A significant piece of academic research, published in 2013 by Wismeijer and van Assen, suggests that individuals involved in BDSM subcultures or self-identified as “kinkster” may be prone to have better mental health than the average population. Psychologists and researchers from the Netherlands carried out a qualitative study with a total of 1300 questionaires sent…