Consent is not as straightforward as it first seems. It’s not black and white. At it’s clearest and simplest level, it is communicated permission. It is a declaration of allowance within agreed boundaries. I love this YouTube video explanation of what consent is (and isn’t): YouTube: CampusClarity – What is Consent? But, consent it is…
Category: Concepts
BDSM and Transgression
The human mind is so complicated and yet beautiful. Good is never purely good, it is always mixed with a bit of a bad, and pleasure, identity and sexuality are not singular but wired in a million different directions. It’s part of what makes us human. For some people, the appeal BDSM sexuality and eroticism…
What To Do If Your Partner Gets Triggered
by Heather Daisy A trigger is an action, word, emotion, smell or other noun that causes a negative, often flashback-style feeling in a person. They are often the result of abuse, trauma, or highly negative emotionally-charged situation. Triggers can happen anywhere, and anytime, which is what makes them so terrifying. What you must remember about…
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
The two basic negotiation concepts used in the BDSM community are SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). An extension of these concepts is consensual non-consent. CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENSUALITY A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities…
The Psychology of BDSM
by bruce On Saturday evening, after a workshop on the ‘Psychology of BDSM’ was over, I was walking home wondering to myself what really motivated me to pursue BDSM. While the evening started out well, and proved to be interesting by itself, I got the feeling that, by the end of the talk, few panelists…
Submissive Journals as a Tool for Developing BDSM Relationships
You don’t just switch power exchange (TPE) relationships on like a tap, you grow them. To do that, communication is key, and journals are one way to help that information flow. One of the most common reasons for subs to keep a journal is to give their Dom access to their thoughts and feelings, but…
Online BDSM Relationships Need A Safety Net
Online sexting is a thing. We all have smartphones, laptops and gadgets that allow us to venture out into the cyber meat-market. In Malaysia and Singapore (and possibly your country too) it’s difficult to find (kink) social networks outside of the internet. Especially when the universal adage YKINMY (your kink is not my kink) is…
What is Subdrop?
BDSM, SUBSPACE AND SUBDROP You may have already came across the term subdrop, or you may have felt the downward swing after a session. If you haven’t yet, it doesn’t mean you’re immune. Subdrop is neurochemical (biological) as well as mental, and we are all bombarded by neurochemicals during BDSM. Reactions to this can be…
Ageing Bottoms and the Gay BDSM Community
by Bob Buckley It is (or can be) very nice to have friends. But, sometimes, they do make simple suggestions. This paper came about from the simple suggestion of Daddy Bob (Los Angeles) that I write about the ageing bottom, and from the equally simple suggestion of Doc (Dallas) that I write about the ageing…
Are Sadists and Masochists Sociopaths?
Are kinksters, particularly hardcore kinksters involved in sadomasochism, or intense power play, acting out sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies? Many people, even professional therapists, believe so. “Psychopathy (/saɪˈkɒpəθi/; also known as – though sometimes distinguished from – sociopathy /ˈsoʊsiəˌpæθi/) is traditionally defined as a personality disorder characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy and remorse, and…