When D/s is not just limited to that one moment of kneeling, but plays out every moment of the day when two individuals are together, that D/s magic becomes integrated and can find healthy expression in work, social life and family moments. – The Inner Selves of D/s relationship The D/s dynamic never happens in…
Category: Concepts
7 Tips For Healthy Poly Relationships That Won’t Help You Get A Decent Hotel Room
Around this time last year, yangpup, boydenon and I pulled in to Hoi Ann in Vietnam. We’d been on an overnight train from Hanoi so we were a little crumpled, but ready for new adventures. The leather tailors in Hoi Ann are fantastic by the way, should you ever get there. It was our first…
Dressing Up Isn’t Just For Children
My personal world of BDSM is coloured by gay leather traditions, and within that subculture there are lots of protocols relating role to appearance. Dominants and submissives don’t dress in the same way, and there are some items (caps and boots in particular) where it would be a faux-pas to be wearing the wrong thing….
Keeping the Passion in BDSM Relationships
What we do in BDSM is linked to desire. We can call it servitude, or dominance, or sadism or masochism, or sceneing or sessions, or any of the other many words we use, but ultimately it never fails to come down to desire. We do it because it fulfils this deep need in us, and…
White Light, Black Leather – Balancing the Light and Dark in BDSM
Societal rules are complex and we begin learning them at a very young age. Your family might not have told you that masturbation would make you grow up weak and sickly (or that you’d grow hair on your palms), but you’ll have learnt all kinds of other mistruths from society. Perhaps you heard: • asking…
Top Drop and Easing Back the Throttle
Our terms for things can be a bit clumsy, and there are actually two ways you could use the term “Top Drop” or “Dom Drop”. There’s no right or wrong way, and both would work within their context. IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING AS TOP SPACE OR DOMSPACE? One way to talk about Top…
How Ritual in BDSM Brings Us Closer To Our Authentic Self
Every morning when I wake up, there is a breakfast tray on my balcony with food and coffee. In the evening when I go to bed, my boy/s are kneeling beside it. We often talk about rules, rituals and protocols, and I wanted to talk a little about why, of the three, I find rituals…
Quiz – What’s Your MBTI Personality Type?
In the famous Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, there are four possible pairs: • Introversion (I) or Extraversion (E) • Intuition (N) or Sensing (S) • Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) • Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) Briggs and Myers work is based on Jung’s theories of the 1920s, and it’s such an established personality typing that…
Do People Get Involved in BDSM Because They’re Broken?
It’s a commonly held opinion that a lot of people become involved in BDSM or an M/s or D/s lifestyle because they are mentally unstable, broken or are working through childhood trauma. Not just by people outside the community who “don’t know any better”, but by people who are actually involved in BDSM, M/s and…
Brats, SAMs and Break-mes
Brats are possibly something of a misunderstood species. They get a bad rap by many in the community who immediately associate the role with “petulant child”. But is that really what a brat is? We’d call a child a brat if they’re misbehaving, but most submissives who identify as brats see it as a role…