My friend Ramesh is naturally gregarious and something of a clown. He went to his first munch a couple of years ago and tried to be on his best behaviour, introducing himself to others and joining the conversations in the smaller groups. When I asked him afterwards how it had gone, he said it was…
Category: Negotiation
The Work of Ownership: When Fantasy Meets Reality
Come here. Kneel down. Do as you’re told. Three simple commands. At first glance, they seem almost too simple, too easy, and too basic to have any meaning. Where is the strict command? Where is the humiliation? Where is the slapping around, smashing his face into the carpet, and verbally abusing the piss out of…
Assent Matters
by SherynB Okay, there’s a 600lb gorilla in the room, and I’m done pretending it’s not there. What we do isn’t pretty or politically correct, and frankly, it’s dangerous if we can’t get (and stay) honest about the reality of it. So here it is as raw and real and un-PC as it is: There…
Safe Call Apps to Watch Your Back
If you’re meeting (or are responsible for someone else who is meeting) someone for the first time or playing somewhere new, then safe calls are a tool for helping to keep meetings safe. Since forever, we’ve done it by arranging a voice-to-voice call and a secret duress/distress code with a friend, for a certain time…
I Wanna Push Your Limits
Should I put my red flag away now? You will hear “I wanna push your limits” from some Dom at some stage, so I think it’s worthwhile talking about what that really means. LET’S TALK ABOUT CONSENT Consent flows both ways and both parties have to retain both responsibility and consent. A bottom can’t say…
Common Sense is Not So Common (don’t be a dick!)
by MutualRespect Voltaire was a talented French writer, playwright, philosopher and historian from the 17th century. He was an outspoken critic of the French aristocracy, religious dogma and corrupt institutions. He was banished from France after a fall out with a minor aristocrat and was exiled to the United Kingdom for three years during the…
The Consent in SSC and RACK means DBADA
Consent seems to be a trending topic in the BDSM community at the moment. Perhaps it was the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, which inserts negotiations over a formal written contract that are not in the book, or perhaps it’s some of the trainwreck consent cases that have been in the spotlight recently….
The No Limits Slave
You’ll often hear people talking with derision about “no limits slaves”. How can they possibly exist? Everyone has limits. Yet, i believe they can and do exist. We read so many love stories where one character is willing to die for the other. It exists in fiction because it is part of our human psyche….
Exploring BDSM with Mental Health Issues
The term “mental illness” is loaded with negative connotations, often debatable and very tricky to define. What is “mentally ill” and what is “having a different mentality that sits outside the norm”? i’ve used “mental health issues” in the title of this article, but it doesn’t have to be “issues” in a negative sense. Being…
No Sex Please, Just The Kink
If you’re on online cruising and dating sites, like Collarspace, Tinder and Recon, you’d be forgiven for thinking that BDSM is just the kinky spice that’s sprinkled on top of sex. Whether you’re Top or bottom, if you stray from the prescribed script about being a nympho/stud with a “do anything” attitude, you can find…