by blessingb Note: My writing reflects my relationship – female submissive / male Dominant. I recognise there are other equally valid relationships in our world. As the title suggests, this is a long article detailing a process I hope you’ll find helpful. If you prefer to do it in your own time offline, you can…
Category: Negotiation
How to Avoid Hurting the One We Love
by Hermes Solenzol It is quite ironic that the person who loves you the best is also the person who is able to hurt you most deeply. Apparently, romantic relationships entail a great deal of suffering. Everybody seems to think that this is unavoidable, that suffering is just the price of admission for being loved….
Defining Kinks and Fetishes
i frequently come across many questions like this one: Can anyone give me an explanation on what a fucktoy is?! What are the normal (understood) dynamics of a situation involving a fucktoy? How do we define kinks and fetishes? Cultural theorists Stuart Hall and Ferdinand de Saussure said that we make meanings out of ourselves. The…
Quiz – Which of the Five Love Languages Do You Speak?
Gary Chapman’s best selling book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate posits five ways that we express and experience love: • Words of Affirmation • Acts of Service • Receiving Gifts • Quality Time • Physical Touch Everyone has a primary and a secondary love language. These are the…
Mental Health and the Issue of Consent
If you have read previous articles on this site, you will probably have noticed that we emphasise the importance of consent — basic understanding of consent, different models of consent (e.g. SSC and RACK), the complications and legality of consent in BDSM settings, and more. Consent is the important red line that exists between BDSM…
5 Steps for Creating Healthy Kinky Relationships
It’s a bit of a “just for fun” day today (because Watts The Safeword is always fun), but there’s some solid wisdom in this great video about starting and continuing healthy kinky relationships: So, what were the 5 steps for creating a healthy kinky relationships from Amp and Mr Kristofer? Be Patient Be Open and…
Doms: How Controlling Do You Need to Be?
Power exchange in Dominance/submission is characterised by one person wanting to give up some degree of control, and another wanting to take that control on. On the surface it’s not a difficult concept, but like all things that involve degrees, there are infinite points of balance and it is only successful when both people feel…
Looking Into (and away from) the Mirror of Our D/s
When D/s is not just limited to that one moment of kneeling, but plays out every moment of the day when two individuals are together, that D/s magic becomes integrated and can find healthy expression in work, social life and family moments. – The Inner Selves of D/s relationship The D/s dynamic never happens in…
Decisions in Your D/s Relationship – Head vs Heart
Decisions, decisions. Every day we make thousands of them, from the small stuff like “coffee or tea?” to the big stuff like career, finance, health and relationships. There’s a fantasy that some subs and slaves who are just starting out have, that they will meet a wise, intelligent and caring Dom who will make all…
Quiz – Understand the Psychology of Your Sexuality
The BSPI Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator gives you a unique insight into your own preferences. Answer a series of questions to understand: • What kind of partner orientation (Dominant, submissive etc) are you? • How are you turned on? • What gives you pleasure? • What kind of sexual encounters will you enjoy most? •…