By Jim the Whip Maker and Dick Carlson Part 1: Bulls, Snakes & Other Scary Critters Part 2: Swing & Target Practice Part 3: Long Whips Part 4: The First Crack Part 5: The First Shot – The Full Overhand Shot Part 6: The First Useful Shot – The Pick Up Part 7: The Real…
Category: Negotiation
Whips & Whipping 101, Part 8: For the Whip Top – Dealing with your Whip Bottom
By Jim the Whip Maker and Dick Carlson Part 1: Bulls, Snakes & Other Scary Critters Part 2: Swing & Target Practice Part 3: Long Whips Part 4: The First Crack Part 5: The First Shot – The Full Overhand Shot Part 6: The First Useful Shot – The Pick Up Part 7: The Real…
The Error of Silence
by Isaac Cross For those of us to the left of the slash (dominant, top, etc), we often make decisions for the good of our partners without telling them. Even with the best of intentions, these decisions often have the opposite effect if we fail to communicate. I recently had arranged for a particularly brutal…
When a slave Sets a Scene for Master
As a relationship matures, that initial thrill can fade. The Dominant/submissive dynamic is many things, and it’s not always eros in the driver’s seat. What tools are in that black box of BDSM that spark your magic as a kinky individual? All relationships have some form of maintenance, to keep the flame burning. Sometimes we…
A Top’s Guide to Being in the Bootblacking Chair
Top or bottom, we don’t always instinctively get it right first time, and we’ve all got incidents in our past that were “learning moments”. I’d like to tell you one of mine. I was at a fetish bar in Philadelphia some years ago when I had my first encounter with a bootblack. yangpup was with…
BDSM Might Not Be Therapy, But It Can Help
Can BDSM be a form of therapy? Is it therapeutic? What do we actually mean when we use the words “therapy” and “therapeutic”? Therapy means different things to different people. For individuals dealing with mental illness, therapy can be akin to physiotherapy, except happening in the mind. We need to stretch the mind in a correct…
How to Let Go and Really Surrender to Submission in BDSM
By Andrew Harwin Don’t dream it, be it. Dr Frank-n-furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show) When we give ourselves over to something or someone, and we do it with 100% of our attention and intention, the result of that surrender is a complete liberation. You don’t just think about what you’re feeling, you are right there…
BDSM Culture and Gender Identity
How do gender identity and BDSM collide, and does one influence the other? Obviously, we know that all dominants are not male and all submissives are not female, but could our BDSM roles influence our gender identity, and could our gender roles influence our BDSM identity? It’s important before we start thinking about it to…
The “Not a Checklist” Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms
by Tornus I’m a big fan of the fantastic one page negotiation checklist created by @amothtotheflame. It’s succinct, well-organized, and does a great job of summarizing what you actually need to know during casual pick-up play. I’ve found, though, that this sheet doesn’t really meet my needs when I’m negotiating with a new partner, especially…
The “Tonight I Want…!” Negotiation Sheet
Using the “Tonight, I want…!” Negotiation Sheet is simple: Give one copy to each person in the scene and ask them to fill it out. Ask questions! When you say you want spanking, does that have to be limited to your butt, or can I smack your chest too? Discuss the terms, and maybe write…