What we do in BDSM is linked to desire. We can call it servitude, or dominance, or sadism or masochism, or sceneing or sessions, or any of the other many words we use, but ultimately it never fails to come down to desire. We do it because it fulfils this deep need in us, and…
Category: Lifestyle/Community
White Light, Black Leather – Balancing the Light and Dark in BDSM
Societal rules are complex and we begin learning them at a very young age. Your family might not have told you that masturbation would make you grow up weak and sickly (or that you’d grow hair on your palms), but you’ll have learnt all kinds of other mistruths from society. Perhaps you heard: • asking…
Quiz – What’s Your MBTI Personality Type?
In the famous Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, there are four possible pairs: • Introversion (I) or Extraversion (E) • Intuition (N) or Sensing (S) • Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) • Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) Briggs and Myers work is based on Jung’s theories of the 1920s, and it’s such an established personality typing that…
Do People Get Involved in BDSM Because They’re Broken?
It’s a commonly held opinion that a lot of people become involved in BDSM or an M/s or D/s lifestyle because they are mentally unstable, broken or are working through childhood trauma. Not just by people outside the community who “don’t know any better”, but by people who are actually involved in BDSM, M/s and…
Brats, SAMs and Break-mes
Brats are possibly something of a misunderstood species. They get a bad rap by many in the community who immediately associate the role with “petulant child”. But is that really what a brat is? We’d call a child a brat if they’re misbehaving, but most submissives who identify as brats see it as a role…
Decisions in Your D/s Relationship – Head vs Heart
Decisions, decisions. Every day we make thousands of them, from the small stuff like “coffee or tea?” to the big stuff like career, finance, health and relationships. There’s a fantasy that some subs and slaves who are just starting out have, that they will meet a wise, intelligent and caring Dom who will make all…
Your Kink is OK in DSM-5
The American Psychiatric Association depathologized sadism, masochism, cross-dressing and fetishes in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) in 2013. The DSM-5 defines paraphilia as “any intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling.” A paraphilic disorder is a “paraphilia that is currently causing…
A Letter to a Younger Me – and Any Other Young Doms
by SimonShroud I have been in the D/s lifestyle for coming up on a decade. So much has changed in me during that time. I wish that I could go back ten years and sit down with my younger self and have a little chat about what it means to be a Dominant. I did…
Which Shade of BDSM Will Set You Free?
by Becca (shadows-dance) I think every person’s kink is unique. Now let me explain myself. 🙂 I think of “kink” as a giant box of Crayolas. We all get one the second we decide that “vanilla” isn’t what we want. Sure, there’s a white crayon in the box, but it’s not our favorite. BDSM encompasses…
Ditch the Ego and Learn Some BDSM Skills
by Bob Buckley In gay male BDSM, the possession of an ego on the part of the topman (or bottom) is not a bad thing in itself – depending on just what type of ego it is. Anyone who has discussed BDSM with me, at any length, almost certainly will have heard me say that…