Top or bottom, we don’t always instinctively get it right first time, and we’ve all got incidents in our past that were “learning moments”. I’d like to tell you one of mine. I was at a fetish bar in Philadelphia some years ago when I had my first encounter with a bootblack. yangpup was with…
Category: Lifestyle/Community
20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants
BY _Min_ Based on a conversation I had today, I wanted to jot some things down that were told to me when I started in the lifestyle and helped me (I think) be a little bit less of the idiot I could have been. These are things that helped me, however, may not be applicable…
The Difference Between Learning and Practicing
Some of this is going to seem very obvious to you, but I hope you’ll bear with me because I have a couple of opinionated insights that might surprise you. One of the things that separates Dominance/submission from more conventional relationships, I think, is that we’re on a continual learning curve. I’ve been involved in…
Defining Kinks and Fetishes
i frequently come across many questions like this one: Can anyone give me an explanation on what a fucktoy is?! What are the normal (understood) dynamics of a situation involving a fucktoy? How do we define kinks and fetishes? Cultural theorists Stuart Hall and Ferdinand de Saussure said that we make meanings out of ourselves. The…
Old School BDSM versus New School BDSM
Laura Antoniou (author of The Marketplace series of books), wrote in an article called “Leather traditions”, “houses” and other myths people try to sell you on: There are no “old leather traditions.” There are behaviors that individuals and small, isolated groups developed as customs (Bob has a new bike! Let’s all pee on it!) and…
Coming Out as Kinky – Open or Closeted in Public?
It’s said that kinky gay guys have two coming outs. First there’s coming out as gay, then, for some of us, there’s coming out as non-vanilla. Of course, neither of those processes are compulsory, that’s our choice. I’m oversimplifying, of course. I’m a gay, leather-identifying sadistic Dom in a polyamorous relationship. Close friends who’ve known…
Being a Leatherboy is a Lifestyle and a State of Mind
by boydon freeman We all know about Masters and slaves, Tops and bottoms, Doms and subs, but what exactly is a leatherboy? All around the US, leatherboys are participating in clubs, competing in contests, and volunteering for fund-raisers. The boy presence is very much in evidence at leather events. Maybe it would be helpful to…
Taking Out the Garbage
I read something interesting today that I wanted to share, because with all this radical self-reflection we all seem to do these days it resonated as kind of important. The short version is here, on Peter Rudd’s wonderful Coromandal blog. He excerpts from the much longer article Sons of The Beach on WorldHum, and his…
Anticipation, Anxiety and the Butterflies
We all experiences anxiety, stress and the butterflies start fluttering in our stomach at different times in our life. Because what we do is transgressive and sometimes edgy, there’s a chance that it does happen more frequently or with higher intensity in our BDSM exploration. It might be when we hook up with people we…
BDSM as an Art Form
… a BDSM scene is a work of art, not science, not technology. A work of art is something unique that is created using special skills and reflects the personality and creativity of the artist. Hermes Solenzol – BDSM is not science, it’s an art! We all like to escape our everyday life once in awhile….