Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: Cruising with Class (3/6)

by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing EXPECTATIONS OF SEX BDSM is not always about sex. BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or Polyamory — although it’s possible for…

Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: More Specific Guidelines (2/6)

by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing SOCIALIZING & NETWORKING Socializing takes place at munches, general meetings, runs, and parties. Munches are semi-public gatherings of BDSM enthusiasts for the purpose…

Illustrated Guide – Hanky Codes (2)

This gorgeous poster of the Gay Leatherman’s Hanky Codes was months of research and work by Ben Bear, and he has released it as a free high-res download in two formats (a 2′ x 3′ poster or as 5 tabloid sized panels) on his Ace of Spades PDX website. This month’s poster coincides with Oregon…

Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: General Principles (1/6)

by Ambrosio This is the first part of a 6 part series originally published as Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol on Ambrosio’s BDSM Site. See the end of this article for more details. Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging,…

Impact Play that Unleashes the Dragon Within

Some of us have achieved peace with ourselves and our life. And, some of us still have esteem issues or other internal conflicts that bother us on a daily basis. Everyday, we push down whatever doubts and uncertainty we are dealing with, so that we can still function normally. Impact play can be cathartic, not…

YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink is Not My Kink, But Your Kink is OK

YKINMKBYKIOK is such a mouthful of an initialism that it’s commonly shortened to YKIOK (or sometimes YKINMK). It represents “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK”. It isn’t a foreign concept outside of kink circles. You’ll have heard it as “horses for courses”, “whatever floats your boat”, “different strokes for different…

Advice for Rope (and other play)

There is some very useful advice here for Tops and bottoms by Topologist from Crash Restraint. It’s rope-oriented, but much of the advice is applicable for all sorts of play. I’d encourage you to read all the sections, regardless of identification. TOPS When looking for new partners: DON’T touch anyone without their clearly expressed verbal…

Illustrated Guide – Types of Spankings

In an interview between Jessica Gross and Jillian Keenan, published on Longreads as An Exegesis on Spanking Fetishists, Jillian recounts a story from her book: I mention that a friend of mine was dating a guy from the BDSM scene—not the spanking scene, just the BDSM scene. She once complained, “I need a real spanko…

Are Kinks Getting More Extreme?

Some people who’ve been in the BDSM scene a long time observe an escalation in the extremity of the things we do. It can certainly look that way in online communities. Safe, Sane and Consensual has given way to Risk Aware Consensual Kink, and there has certainly been a rise in popularity of identifiers like…

Giving Your Partner Permission to be Dominant

There is a certain camp of people who will tell you that Dominance is an all-natural product (like organic milk), but I don’t believe that’s true. There might be certain underlying personality traits that make it easier or harder, but I think Dominance (as a role in D/s) is largely learned. There are some great…