How Real is a BDSM Lifestyle? As Real as You Want it to Be

by Joseph D. All sex is a power play. We like to deny it. We like to pretend that sex is birds and bunnies and bubbling brooks, that sex can’t be evil, nasty power dynamics, but that’s what makes it hot for people, whether they cop to it or not. Even the most vanilla sexual…

Suggested Aftercare Guidelines for Body Piercings

 By Association of Professional Piercers Use one or both of the following solutions for healing piercings: Packaged sterile saline solution with no additives (read the label), or a non-iodized sea salt mixture: Dissolve 1/4 teaspoon of non-iodized (iodine-free) sea salt into one cup (8 oz.) of warm distilled or bottled water. A stronger mixture is…

Observations on Fisting: A Personal Journey

by Andrew H. What connects fisting to BDSM? Very simply, it is a power exchange. What elevates it beyond other power exchanges is that a man physically places his life, his very being, in the hand of another man. And whether fisting is part of a larger BDSM scene, or an activity in and of…

Hot Scenes with Candles

by Gil K. Are you getting hot flashes? Does your skin feel prickly and on fire? Then either you are having an allergic reaction or someone is dripping hot wax on you. Lets hope its the latter, and discuss some technique and safety. MATERIALS A variety of candles can be used. These include: COACH CANDLES:…

Buzzcuts and Head Shaving and Why It’s So Hot

by Peter B. Forced haircuts—the idea of an unwilling guy being tied or held down, pleading and then begging not to have his precious hair taken from him. Then the sudden click-thud as the clippers are switched on, and their hum morphing to a low buzzz as they move to his head… Buzzcuts, brush cuts,…

Abrasion – Rubbing You the Right Way

by Rich W. While the world at large thinks of “abrasion” as a wearing or grinding away by friction or as an irritation, we who are SM-aware know that abrasion is an erotic stimulation of the skin by rubbing, scratching, or pricking. Abrasives are referred to in the Bible and are depicted in Egyptian drawings…

Zen and the Art of Dominance

In Zen Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Nyo Ze’. It doesn’t translate well to English from the original Japanese, but a close match would be ‘like this, suchness.’ One great 13th Century Zen master – Dogen – said that in order to become a person of suchness, you have to first realize that you…

6 Warning Signs He’s Not a Dom, He’s an Asshole

Narcissists, bullies and other toxic people can be charming and exciting to be around when you first meet them. After all, bad boys are often what get our juices flowing. No offence intended to other Doms out there, but with all honesty there’s a fine line between toxicity and dominance and we’re actually sharing a…

Using the Theory of Planned Behavior for BDSM Training That Lasts

Conversations about Behavior Modification in BDSM usually focus on B.F Skinner’s theory of Operant Conditioning, which centres on positive and negative reinforcement and punishment to influence and instill new behavior. Skinner’s approach is that there are really only two ways of changing someone’s behavior — the carrot and the stick. But, there is a range…