I have been involved in a semi-open polyamorous BDSM relationship with two rather mature men for a few years now. Our dynamic is a version of an oldguard leather household protocol, in which i am an owned slaveboy to a kind Master who is partnered with His pup.

We live separately, and in the past few years, i have always been into the idea of getting my genitals locked up. The idea of not being able to touch, erect, or play with my own sexual organs is somewhat special to me, although I have always wanted to use vibrators for pleasure. Because we have some geographic distance, it’s also a way for me to practice the M/s dynamic and TPE.

We started with locking me in chastity for a few days, which progressed to a few weeks, and has now reached the stage where, it seems to me, i would happily like to always be locked in chastity whenever i am away from Master.

That is what being a cuck is like for me. In flowery BDSM wording, this slaveboy will always be locked in his chastity cage as a form of ultimate submission and commitment for his Master and Owner. i accept my place, and surrender that power to the hand of my Owner without any form of resistance or negotiation as part of the practice of total power exchange in the context of our Master and slave dynamic.

WHAT IS A CUCK?

There are various meanings associated with the term “cuck”. Urban Dictionary defines it as “a man who likes watching his wife or girlfriend fuck other guys”, or “a man who’s a little bitch…” or “a man/woman who watches someone they love get taken by another person, or another person flirt and have sex with the one they love”.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself, and what being a cuckboy to me, and how it may be considered as a form of emotional Sadomasochistic thrills.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL SADOMASOCHISM (SM)?

Sadomasochism often happens in a package that involves both physical being and psychological being. Sadism and masochism are tied up in the pleasures and/or desires that come from inflicting or receiving intense sensation, usually pain.

We often focus on the physical aspects of the pain because it is visible and tangible. When you throw a whip at someone, there are immediate red blushes, and as you throw more whips, and harder whips, perhaps you see a crack on the skin that oozes droplets of blood.

But, what about the intangible? A masochist may also enjoy the feeling of being emotionally in agony. Emotional SM is probably harder for many people to understand than physical SM, but it’s no less real and it’s not uncommon. Humiliation and degradation and many forms of edge play are forms of Emotional SM, or play with Emotional SM concepts.

EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM AND BEING A CUCK

It is sometimes difficult to explain what emotional masochism feels like. In a way it is a bit of a grey area, or no man’s land. When it is physical masochism, you might see the thrills and arousal in facial expressions, as the pain flows through the body like electricity. However, when it comes to emotional masochism, it’s far more likely to be looks of fear or sadness, perhaps tears. It can seem abusive or negative, while it is actually enjoyable and a positive psychological arousal.

It is hard to tell whether it is abusive or masochistic thrill without clear communication, and even with clear communication it may be hard to constantly maintain the feedback validation of consent as it evolves.

Personally, I find thrill in fantasising about a psychopathic bad guy who would lock me up and use me for his desires. Perhaps it is a bit dark, but it does turn me on. When things actually hurt, not just in a costumed or enacted kind of way, but when there actually is pain within my threshold, i feel extremely aroused.

So, i do really miss being with Master when we are not together, and being able to serve Him sexually and non-sexually. Not being able to do all those things sometimes can translate into some emotional pain for me, but understanding my cuck identity and being physically reminded of it with a chastity cage allows that emotional pain to become a beautiful form of masochistic thrills for me. i have found myself in a state of blissfulness from time to time, as i move my hand down only to touch hard metal that has been locked tightly in between my legs for weeks since we last met. Or, imagining Master’s cock being sucked by others while i fall asleep with my collar and chastity.

i think, similar to physical Sadomasochism, emotional Sadomasochism can be very beautiful. For me, it’s like a special kind of abstract art that changes colours every day.

FURTHER READING

• Deviance & Desire – Holding a Cuckold Affirmation Ceremony
• Daily Beast – Cuckolding: The Sex Fetish for Intellectuals
• New Knots in an Old Rope – Emotional Masochism: Feeding Off Her Pain
• New Knot in an Old Rope – Cuckquean
• She Who Makes The Rules – Emotional Masochism
• Cuckyboy – What Kind of Cuckold Are You?