This is the first part of a fairly long post, but I promise if you stick with it that it’s very rewarding and you’ll find an interesting model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact.

To help with loading time, we’ve divided it into three separate posts. You can find the others here:
• Pt 2 — Fine Tuning the Transactions (which roles play nicely together?)
• Pt 3 — Adjusting for Sub-optimal Transactions (what if your partner is not your perfect match?)

It starts by exploring our preferences in a two-dimensional grid… a scale of D/s (control) and a scale of SM (giving and receiving experiences). When you can see where you and your partner sit within that space it adds a 3rd dimension, which is how much the focus is on yourself versus your partner.

What is interesting is that as the model develops you can see not only how and why some pairings work well and others not so well, but also how you can reposition yourself to make a pairing work better.

This three dimensional model of erotic (kink) space comes from work done by Midori in 2006/07, expanded and adapted by Julian. If you prefer to view it as a slideshow, it is available on AugustusSeizeHer’s Fetlife profile.

This is part of an ongoing series of Illustrated Guides. You can find the others here.