Negotiation forms the basic core of consensual BDSM practices. In fact, negotiation and consent are the primary way BDSM is distinguished from abuse.

Unfortunately, I don’t know where these originally came from, but I’ve decided to repost them because I think they’re important. I think we’re often in danger of feeling like we have to be a doormat to get what we want. I know that some times it doesn’t feel like it, but negotiation in BDSM is always between two equals, no matter what role you identify with. The more we understand about each other, the better we can be at making each other happy.

This is a regular series of illustrated guides. You can find the others here.

FURTHER READING

• Deviance & Desire – The “Not a Checklist” Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms
• Deviance & Desire – The “Tonight I Want…” Negotiation Sheet
• Kinkly – The Basics of BDSM Negotiation
• Sex for the Rest – Say Please: How to Negotiate Like a Kinkster
• Touch of Flavor – The Kinkster’s Guide to Negotiating a BDSM Scene (video)
• Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality – From SSC and RACK to the 4Cs: Introducing a New Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation
• Kinky Sprinkles – What a Broken Nose Taught Me About BDSM, Negotiation and Depression