Most of us are aware of the traffic light safewords system as a safety measurement/communication during a scene. Basically, a Dominant checks in by asking “how do you feel?”, and the submissive uses “green”, “orange”, “red” to indicate the subjective intensity the submissive is experiencing. Generally, “green” means everything is good, and please proceed in turning the knob higher, “orange” means it is getting a bit intense, please go forward with caution, and “red” means stop.
However, does it really work in practice? Here’s my personal thoughts on traffic light safewords.
GOOD STARTER KIT!
Not everyone knows how to manage a BDSM scene, and sometimes it can be intimidating to know how to hurt properly. Although not perfect, traffic light safewords allows kinksters to start the conversation on “communication”. Instead of feeling puzzled and confused as to how to proceed mid-scene, at least you have colour-code shorthand to help you with the crucial information that you need. i.e. Does my submissive want me to continue? slow down? or stop?
PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD RULES
We all know our sensory, physical and mental experiences can’t be boxed into simple fact sheets. Red, orange and green doesn’t mean anything more than “go, slowdown, and stop”. It doesn’t allow complex responses such as “I am reaching my threshold but I would want to be pushed further against my own preference, if it pleases the Dominant”, or “I would like to stop for 10 seconds, so that I can continue to be further abused and tortured”, or “Go ahead now, but slow down when the whip is doing the lower half of my body”.
FIND YOUR OWN HIGHWAY
If you ever experienced the limitations of traffic light safewords, it might be time to sit down and create your own version of in-scene-communication signs. Set up an efficient way for you and your submissive to communicate clearly and efficiently during the scene. Some people are very verbal in their submissive headspace and verbal communication would be excellent. Some people might be non-verbal, and creating a gesture system that include the nuances of D/s experiences might just be what you need. Or bring an iPad to type the question and feedback mid-scene if that works better for you. After all, communication is a personal and private matter, and even more so during an D/s scene.
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