In Zen Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Nyo Ze’. It doesn’t translate well to English from the original Japanese, but a close match would be ‘like this, suchness.’

One great 13th Century Zen master – Dogen – said that in order to become a person of suchness, you have to first realize that you are already such a person. It’s the same with being a Dom.

It’s not a set of techniques. It’s not treating others in a certain way. It is about understanding yourself and others, and that your dominance is part of a circle with their submissiveness. The two arise together. It cannot be manufactured. It cannot be taught and it cannot be learned.

However, you can practice embodying that quality and, if you are a Dom, you already know how to do that. If you find this difficult to do in a D/s situation, then you just need to find out what prevents you from doing what you know is appropriate in any given moment.

Enjoy yourself, be prepared to make mistakes, acknowledge when you do, and grow. Forget about learning to be a Dom and be a Dom.

Image in post: Helmut from X-Portfolio by Robert Mapplethorpe