Depression, Mental Health and BDSM

Depression falls under the big umbrella term of “Mood Disorders”. It affects a person’s moods with different intensities in a spiralling negativity of sadness and loss of motivation. There are good psychological explainations of depression here:
WebMD
University of Michigan
National Institute of Mental Health

Speaking from personal experience, depression may generally be evaluated from two sides, the biochemical facet and the mental facet. These two facets intertwine with each other. For instance, our emotional responses to the external world are closely linked to both biochemical hormones and neurochemical responses and environmental responses. We feel happy or sad because something happens in real life that lets our body releases chemicals, forming the emotions of happiness and sadness.

Depression happens when the balance is off. Too much stress in life, sleep deprivation or malnutrition result in imbalance of hormonal and chemical releases in our body. That affects how we response to our world and we can go into a down-spiral of cognitive behavioural responses. We may feel lost while we have goals in life, or sad while something positive is happening, and sometimes feel nothing as we turn away from the world. There are many different experiences that can be symptomatic of depression, but there are certainly some common ones that can be noticed and might indicate depression.

DEPRESSION AS PART OF THE SYMPTOMS OF OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS

Depression or depressive episodes may be chemically induced or environmentally caused. Other mental illness, for example PTSD, BPD, Bipolar, etc, can come with a component of depression. That’s true also with learning disabilities such as ADHD, Dyslexia and the Autism spectrum.

Where this is the case, a person may feel depressed and be going through a standard treatment for depression, but it is treating the symptoms of something rather complex.

Speaking from personal experience, ADHD has been the major struggle of my life. i find myself not able to listen, read sentences, have social interaction or even enjoy films sometimes. That has had a great impact on my self-esteem and confidence, and i have had periods where i constantly feel substandard to my fellow human beings. Losing threads of thought during a conversation, or not being able to make a plan and stick to it makes you constantly feel as if you don’t work hard enough.

But, if i had been treated for depression and anxiety, rather than ADHD, the medication would have altered my cognitive behaviours and delayed the proper treatment of the real cause for depression. So, i think for everyone it is important to question whether depression is the symptom of something else, in the same way that having a flu may actually be allergy to dust and haze.

THE IMPLICATIONS OF DEPRESSION IN BDSM PRACTICES

In BDSM, the things that we do quite often involve intense emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy. If you think of depression as a big monster following you all the time, engaging in BDSM is like doing it with that monster beside you.

Many people find BDSM therapeutic, including many with mental illness, and it’s not that difficult to understand. When one whips, or is whipped, if done correctly, it can whip away the monster. But, if it’s done incorrectly, the monster may retaliate and become bigger. i’m just using whipping for it’s poetry of course, the same applies to all the things we enjoy.

Nearly always, depression doesn’t just affect the individual, but also the partner. It is like your partner brings this monster into the room. It might be his monster, but it changes the relationship and intimacy.

Hopefully you’re in this together, so a good way to deal with it is not to walk away, but to sit down and acknowledge the monster, and see how to tame it together. It’s just one of what will probably be many difficulties and challenges in the journey of a D/s relationship.

A few tips to start meeting depression:

Identifying Problems/Issues

Identify the issues from a third person PoV, make no judgement and mean no harm. It is easy to take things personally and start acting up with self-blame or blaming, because we are accustomed to social situations where others step on our feet and we ask them to fuck off. That’s not going to bode well if you are a Dominant or a submissive in a relationship. The problem with depression is that, things aren’t as crystal clear as they are supposed to be. Because we didn’t go and pick up the milk, it doesn’t mean we didn’t take your words seriously, but rather the monster is dragging us from walking to the shop. Feeling like we want to hide in a place by ourselves doesn’t mean that you are not important to us, or we are not satisfied in the relationship, but the monster is dragging us away. It’s really important to look at what the issues are without placing judgements. When the time is right, you can work on the issues you’ve identified.

Evaluation of Boundaries and Distance

There will be times in your D/s relationship where your space and interaction are stable. When depression comes into your life, you need to reevaluate your boundaries because it is no longer just you and your partner, but another monster has taking up the room. Stepping back and finding out how much space is available is important. You need to re-establish boundaries and distances so it won’t feel cramped in the room.

Giving and Receiving Support

This is highly individual and depends on the person. Generally, being there without judgement, stepping back without self-blame and stepping in without poking. Individuals with mental illness are already suffering from inner negativity, so don’t bring more negativity into the space. Creating a supportive, secure and safe environment allows comforts to settle in the room. It is also important for the caregiver to know how to self-care. Depression is a little like a hidden fever that take on an intangible form. It is confusing mainly because it is invisible, and invisibility hinders us in dealing with it as we don’t know where to start. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is one of the therapies that helps identify and fix mental illnesses, by putting things into a way that we can understand and allowing us to rewire cognitive responses to set things right.

Here are two of the Discussion from LDG

Deviance & Desire