Introverts exhibit a very different set of social behaviours, and sometimes it’s hard for non-introverts to understand their different wiring.

But please don’t be put off! When you bond with an introvert you invite someone into your life who likes quality rather than quantity, who will probably want to know you better (and deeper) than anyone, and who cares a lot – for themselves and their friends.

WHAT IS AN INTROVERT?

Why don’t you speak? Why don’t you come to the centre of the dance floor and dance with me? Why are you so afraid of coming to munches? Why do you stay in the corner and drink milo instead of beer? Why are you so anti-social?

Introvert aren’t anti-social, but anti-superficial-social. We enjoy socialising with others as much as extroverts, but we do it differently. We desire quality social activities, not quantity. We want to get to know you in depth, but it is extremely difficult to do in a busy social situation.

Introverts will watch how you pick up your coffee mug, or study how you walk. It’s not that we’re creepy. We just believe that every human being is unique and we want to understand the uniqueness of someone we are interested.

We’re sensitive to our environment. We process information not in bulk, but slowly and steadily, like breathing the sweet air at the oceanside. When the social situation gets busy, we can easily get overwhelmed, simply because the input is too much too quickly, and we have problems processing the information.

11 TIPS FOR BDSM NEGOTIATION WITH AN INTROVERT

1. Avoid busy environments. Don’t choose a busy bar to talk about what you like and don’t like, find a nice quiet bench somewhere.
2. Don’t send us straight into the fire. We’d love to meet your friends, just not at a BDSM play party on the first weekend after we met you.
3. Be patient and confident. Let us know it is okay to express ourselves and speak our mind. Your kindness will melt away our shyness.
4. Keep things simple. You don’t need to show us your Facebook friend list to impress us, introverts are grounded people. It will push us away if you behave like a total extrovert.
5. Be sincere. Introverts are often introspective, we derive deep meanings and are alert of our social environment. We can tell if you try to blow your own trumpet or try too hard to be impressive, and it can look like insincerity.
6. If verbal communication isn’t going smoothly, try written communication. We all have smart phones and computers, so if there seems to be some block in the face-to-face communication give them a try. Negotiation may happen more effectively if we’re given control over the speed we respond and given time to reflect on our thoughts without worrying about body language.
7. Keep the surprises until we know you well. We don’t want to show up at your place to discover you’re in the middle of a party. In fact we don’t really deal with surprises of any kind all that well until we know and trust you. Knowing things in advance allows us to prepare for them.
8. Take it slow. Related to the previous point about surprises, we can take a bit longer to move from that first “hi” message to being ready to meet you for the first time. We want to know a little (or a lot) about you first. Sure, we use cruising apps and cruising sites like everyone else, but we can sometimes use them a little slower.
9. Aftercare is required. BDSM scenes drain our batteries. Social occassions drain our batteries. Even Christmas dinner with friends drains our batteries. Introverts need time to recharge. Remember to spare an hour or two with introverts afterwards, cuddling or just being together and bringing back the quietness of the mind.
10. Negotiate clearly. Introverts don’t like to talk about themselves, so it may require you to ask questions. Introverts may not mention what they dislike, not because they don’t dislike anything. They might not mention medical issues, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have any. Be clear, open and honest, and ask questions.
11. Don’t take things personally. Introverts may not respond to you as you have expected. Introverts may reject your date, not because they don’t like you but because they don’t feel ready for it. Don’t blame yourself for that.