The human mind is so complicated and yet beautiful. Good is never purely good, it is always mixed with a bit of a bad, and pleasure, identity and sexuality are not singular but wired in a million different directions. It’s part of what makes us human.

For some people, the appeal BDSM sexuality and eroticism is interwoven with transgression. Not everyone wants to be accepted and recognised by society, because exclusion and our status as an outlier can give us pleasure. We indirectly enjoy the fact that we are not the norm, not the mass.

The sterilised, civilised society we live in can in some ways suppress human emotions Fragility, fear, pain and feelings of inferiority are all human emotions and part of the human experience, but they are frowned on by society.

BDSM, as a sub-culture, allows these emotions to take place in a safe space. We negotiate situations that allow us to express these emotions, and by doing that we’re let out of our social constraints to enjoy the freedom to explore other facets of the human body and mind.

So, the BDSM subculture can, in a way, offer freedom from repression. For some, that can feel like the satisfaction of a meal that comes after a long hunger, the brightness that comes after a long darkness or the warmth that comes after a long winter.

This creates an interesting division in BDSM communities, because while many in the community hope for more acceptance by mainstream society, for some others it goes against the core concept of BDSM itself, which includes the status of being outside of the norm. For them, if BDSM evolves into just another mainstream activity, it loses some of its charm.

personally, i don’t think BDSM practices are only about being an outlier. Yes, there are parts of it that some of us enjoy that feel good because society frowns on it as being wicked, kinky or transgressive, but definitely not all. But would it make any difference if it was normal? The core aspect of being a Master or a slave, the identity aspect, don’t change.

Certainly, BDSM activism or sex-education-advocacy does need to be there, to support the community. It is a long established, and good, practice to help people starting out exploring BDSM to have a safer journey.

It’s unlikely that we’ll see BDSM accepted in society, at least in our lifetimes, in the same way that we’re likely to see gay rights (and marriage) strengthen. There will be little blips on the landscape. A book or movie will come out, or a celebrity’s secrets will be published, and public awareness will be raised for a while. But no-one is expecting, say, consensual slavery contracts to be passed in to law.

Should we be worried about acceptance by society? i think it’s entirely individual. If you want to live out your BDSM identity in public then it will be an important issue to you. If you’re happy doing what you do behind closed doors then it won’t be an issue at all. Many of us are somewhere between those two extremes and for us it is probably more important to be accepted by those individuals we need acceptance from.