I watched a video this morning of how a book was produced. The lead type being set, then pressed. The trimming and folding and binding, and how the leather cover was attached. The comment by the person who posted the video was “Your Kindle can’t do this”.

And, of course, it can’t. But that doesn’t make Kindles bad.

One thing we thought was extremely important back in pre-Internet days was mentoring and education. Certainly in the US and Australia (where I’m from), but I’m sure everywhere in the world. We placed high value on the passing of traditions and skills to the next generation. In NYC in the 90s there was even a structured 3 month program for young gay men called TNG to do exactly that.

But, these were the days of oral tradition. That’s how information was passed along. And, that necessity is gone.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS?

You’ll often hear people in the community reminiscing about “the old days” when things were purer. Like everything, the past gets romanticised. Someone was trying to convince me recently that “play Masters” and “play slaves” is a new phenomenon. Believe me, in the past there was no shortage of people acting the Master or slave role for a night.

Partially, people mourning the changes that have happened in the post-internet community are saying “my traditions are not being passed on, all the many voices on the Internet are drowning them out”. That’s true, but also not true.

It’s pluralistic now. There’s no longer one tradition being passed along. The codes of behaviour set by one group doesn’t dominate, and for every person who says “a Master needs to be this…” or “”a slave needs to do this…” there will be a choir of voices who will say “no, they don’t”.

It’s not the only set of traditions that’s now very plural in the world. You can compare it with others. And you really have two strategies available to you:

• you can find your own like-minded community within the larger community (as people in this group have done online, and I’m sure in real life)
• you can rage against the wider community for its plurality and try to educate them in your traditions and show them why it’s a better way

Does it matter to you what people outside or your own relationship and your own circle of friends are doing?

Maybe it does, because maybe you were brought up to believe that service to the community in the form of mentoring and education is important. In which case, being pissed off or even disappointed is not really the place to start. You’ll achieve much more by doing your best for the community, in the spirit of giving, and hoping that you light some candles along the way.

And maybe it doesn’t matter to you what others outside your own personal community are doing. In which case, embrace the plurality because it’s here to stay.

TAKE A SEAT AT THE TABLE

Here’s a quick metaphor that might be helpful. There are people who feel like their thing (meaning: their traditions, the way they were taught, the way they think things should be done) is “the table”, and newcomers get to take a seat and learn. This can be especially true for people we term Old Guard, who tend to be deeply rooted in traditions.

But, actually, the whole community is “the table”. Everyone has a right to a seat. It doesn’t matter who you are, you’re really just someone sitting at “the table”, you’re not the furniture itself.

Things change — our understanding of issues, styles of relationships, fetishes and kinks, individual rights. They all get seats at the table, whether you agree they should change or not. You may as well welcome them and have coherent accepting discourse