We’re going to run a series of articles on self bondage in the coming weeks, and before we do, I thought it would be wise to say a few words about risk and safety. I know, it’s not the sexiest of subjects, but please read on. This stuff is important, and even if you think you know what you’re doing, a couple of the facts might surprise you.
THE DILEMMA OF SELF BONDAGE
To engage in nearly any form of BDSM, particularly bondage, is never about choosing safe versus unsafe. There’s no such thing as “safe”, there’s always a level of risk. What you need to decide is what level of risk you’re comfortable with.
Self bondage, where you’re tying yourself up (probably with no-one else around) is riskier than most things we do. A rope harness is going to be fairly safe, but something like a hog tie can put you in a helpless position, and to get out of it safely you are counting on nothing unexpected happening.
Doing self bondage presents a certain dilemma. On the one hand, you want to be bound to a satisfying degree, which often means to the point where you can’t get loose. On the other hand, you do eventually have to get loose, so you need to think through how you’re going to accomplish that.
Make no mistake, it is risky and the stakes are high. The bondage community will tell you that self bondage mishaps account for an overwhelming majority of BDSM-related deaths.
REDUCING THE RISKS OF SELF BONDAGE
Unfortunately, I have no answer to the question of how to make self bondage safe while preserving that feeling of being tightly and helplessly bound. I can’t make it “safe” for you, but I can tell you some things which will make it “safer”:
• The risk level will dramatically increase if your self bondage involves:
– any sort of gag
– ropes around your neck
– being tied to a fixed object
• Falling is risky, floor work is safer. If you’re bound, particularly if your feet are bound (but also your arms, because we often use those for balance), you have an increased risk of falling, and if you don’t have the mobility to break your fall then you have an increased risk of being seriously injured
• Any self bondage that makes it difficult for you to breathe is very risky. Breathing muscles get tired and can get to the point where they can’t function. This is called positional asphyxia and this is the cause of most self bondage accidents. It’s something that everyone using bondage (self or otherwise) needs to understand and be aware of
• Have an emergency escape plan (medical shears, a pocket knife, backup keys to locks) in place, and TEST your plan
• Numb hands could present a real danger to your escape. Be aware that ropes that aren’t tight enough to cause your hands to go numb immediately can cause them to after many minutes or hours. Also remember how your blood flows. If your hands are above you then they can go numb quite quickly
• Unexpected events can be deadly. You can reduce the risk by making sure your bondage area is safe (no open flames, no sharp objects etc), but unfortunately you cannot predict earthquakes or heart attacks. If you know you’re prone to nose-bleeds, cramps or breathing problems, then take these into account and do everything you can to make your experience a safe one. As best you can, try to think through:
– environmental emergencies
– equipment failures
– medical emergencies
• Knives are not the best rescue device. I’m sure when you were a child your mother would have told you to “put the knife down, you’ll cut yourself”. Take that advice and imagine that your hands are tied behind your back. Invest in a pair of medical shears (also called trauma shears, nurse’s utility scissors or paramedic scissors). They cost only a few dollars from Amazon
• Mental health (as always) is an issue. Being constrained can be a trigger for PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks. Some people are just a bit more prone to panic when things don’t go smoothly than others, and with self bondage you will, at some stage, come across a knot that has worked itself tight or some other complication. If you panic, you can make things worse, so be aware of your own personal threshold for danger and choose what you do with your ropes accordingly
• Don’t use zip ties. You will need to cut these off, and they can tighten much quicker than you think they will. They can also tighten when you’re struggling. Stick to ropes
• Don’t use scarves. The bondage community selects rope according to how well it holds a knot and how easy it is to work with. Nearly any rope, from the polycord you get in a hardware shop to expensive jute and hemp, will do, but if you put a knot into a piece of fabric and pull it tight, you very quickly have a knot that is difficult to undo. Again, stick to ropes
• Having someone else present or nearby can almost eliminate risk. It might not be possible, or it might not be what you want, but it’s worth thinking about. If you don’t want anyone around, consider putting a friend on one-button speed-dial on your phone and keeping your phone somewhere where you know you will be able to reach it
“Safe” means freedom from risk, and you’re never going to be able to reduce your risk level to zero. Self bondage is risk-aware-kink, and in this case you are taking responsibility for your own risks. Ask yourself lots of hard “what if?” questions and proceed with caution. If you do, it can be an exciting, intense, erotic and enjoyable experience.
Further Readings
• Open Media – Self Bondage Accident Cases
• Collar and Cuff – One of the most interesting BDSM plays remains self-bondage
• Boundanna – Safety and Release Methods
• Selfbound – Safety first
• Bondage Tutorial – Bondage tutorial for beginner
• Boybear – Strict Self Bondage