Submissive Journals as a Tool for Developing BDSM Relationships

You don’t just switch power exchange (TPE) relationships on like a tap, you grow them. To do that, communication is key, and journals are one way to help that information flow.

One of the most common reasons for subs to keep a journal is to give their Dom access to their thoughts and feelings, but there are actually many benefits to keeping a journal. It also keeps track of your relationship – what works, what doesn’t work. It’s a systematic and organised way to develop TPE.

They’re easy to create and share these days, through shared Google Docs, Dropbox or a password protected blogging site.

Here’s a few other benefits to consider:

SAFE SPACE

Usually, in negotiating a D/s journal, the Dom agrees that it is a “safe space”. It’s best if it is free of restriction, because the whole point of journalling is to be honest and open. Writing your thoughts in a journal is a way to express your thoughts in a safe space.

Sometimes, in verbal communication there are blockages in expressing intense emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy etc. A journal is a place that allows you to sit down and reflect on the emotion, and express it in a mediated, steady manner when you are feeling more rational.

Everyone needs an outlet for emotion. Perhaps kinksters involved in BDSM need that outlet even more than most people, because:
• what we do can be emotional and challenging
• it can get difficult to communicate properly when Power dynamics are present

You might want to tell your Master, I really feel bad when you do A, B and C to me, but in verbal communication it can be tricky to find the right words to do so without tripping over protocol. You don’t want your Master to feel as if you are challenging His power. The journal, if it is properly negotiated as a safe space, allows you to communicate your concerns.

REFLECTION

Writing makes you look back and think about things, perhaps more deeply than you thought about them at the time. Over time, it will also give you (and your Master) a fairly clear idea of HOW you think. You’ll see patterns in your writing – topics you are positive about, topics you are negative about, traps you always fall into, things you do and don’t take seriously. Without breaking the agreement of “safe space”, this is information your Master can use to guide you to improve.

CONNECTION FOR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Some of us need to keep our D/s energy connected over a distance. Journalling is a great tool to keep that connection strong.

DAILY ACTIVITIES

For any relationship where the Master and slave are not living in the same house or connected at that more constant level, a journal can help the Master to understand what is going on in the slave’s life. By sharing what you do, your Master is able to understand how you spend your day, how busy you are, what activities are currently prominent in your life.

That helps Him to understand you, but it also helps him to better control you. It helps Him to know how much, or how little, time you have, and what tasks or duties will fit easily into your life.

DEVELOPMENT

Developing a TPE relationship, there needs to be a lot of negotiation, communication and reflection in order to keep up the good-slave behaviours that are created and personalised for your Master. Down to small little things like placing His reading spectacle on the table every morning, it is not an easy job, but that’s what makes it beautiful.

But, whether you are working on TPE or a different kind of kink relationship, a journal can be a way to outline issues in the relationship, provide information, track what is working or not working and generally record (and influence) the way things are developing.

Deviance & Desire